Monday, April 11, 2011

Don't cha wish you saved your $8?

Happy Monday, Beautiful Dolls! Sure hope everyone had a wonderful weekend & are ready for an equally wonderful week! Touch some lives & try to tackle at least 3 things you've been putting off! You'll feel SO much better when you do! BELIEVE ME!!!

So...Amazon is one of my favorite places to shop (so many choices...all under one roof, with reviews stating whether or not you should waste your money) & while browsing the other day for fun workout videos...I came across this...

688 of 731 people found the following review helpful:
2.0 out of 5 stars Don't cha wish you saved your $8?January 10, 2010
This review is from: Pussycat Dolls Workout (DVD)

It's Monday, January 4th. First day back at work. All day long I am mentally psyching myself up to workout because, let's face it, if I loved working out I wouldn't resort to buying a Pussycat Dolls (PCD) Workout DVD at 1:38 am in the morning on I would be asleep and wake up to take a nice walk. But no. I hate exercise, but love dancing. 

It's 5 pm, I drive home, change into workout clothes, take the dog outside, and I put the DVD in. 

The cheesy music starts and they show close-ups of the PCD girls and they're all sex-ified. Lovely. This DVD is made for 14 year old boys. I am kind of standing there waiting for the darn intro to finish. Robin Antin is apparently the "creator" (or pimp, your call) of the PCD group and she's going on and on about how great this video is. If you do it daily, you'll look like them in no time! 
During this intro all I can think about is 1 thing: 

This was probably a waste of $8. 

But, I am still optimistic, and I even have a water bottle nearby because clearly to look like them, you gotta work out HARD. Sweat, get sore, be outta breath. 

The first part of the workout (a term they use loosely, you'll see why) is set to their popular song "Don't Cha". 

It starts off, and Robin is the one giving the instructions and it's easy. If you can walk forward 3 steps and place your hand on your hips on step 4, you've got 1/4 of the darn routine down. If you can do so while trying to act sexy, you've got another 1/4 of it down. 

I'm doing it, and I keep thinking to myself that I am not remotely sweaty. Not even out of breath. I look at my dog and he's doing the routine because it's that easy. 

At this point I also realize that none of the girls look familiar and this is because it's the PCD from the burlesque show and not PCD the um "singing" group (wink, wink). But this doesn't bother me any, because they all look the same to me. Nicole, the lead "singer", does come out during the 3rd routine to the song "Buttons" if that matters to you or your husband. 

It takes about 15 minutes for Robin to teach you the routine, and during these 15 minutes she also mentions a bajillion times that once you do this DVD you'll really start to see results and get better at the dances. Really? Seriously? If you did this DVD everyday you'd be BORED TO TEARS like another reviewer said. Finally, it's time for you to perform the routine from start to finish. How long is the routine? Oh, roughly 30 seconds long. I'll even summarize it for you: 

<cue the music> 

Bow chicka bow wow. 

Walk 3 steps, place hands on hips on 4. Shake your hips while doing so. Leave lips slightly open to look sexy. 

Do a casual wave of the arm while "hot like me" is playing. 

Bend down to the left and right, run your hands up your thighs, slap your butt cheeks once on each side. (yes, butt cheeks- make sure you slap both- no cheating! This is EXERCISE!) 

Bend down again and on random beats pop your chest out- this will happen 3 times. Pop what your momma gave ya. 

Do some random kickboxing like moves. If it helps, pretend your kicking your PCD DVD into the trash. It helps. 

<cue music still playing but the routine you learned is over> 

What to do now? The girls on the DVD are practicing their pole moves, I guess I'll do that. 

Oh wait, here we go AGAIN. 

Walk 3 steps, place hands on hips on 4. Shake your hips while doing so. Leave lips slightly open to look sexy. 

Do a casual wave of the arm while "hot like me" is playing. 

I think you get the point. You do the "routine" about 5+ times during the song and in between each set you just freestyle some stripper moves hoping your husband/boyfriend/child doesn't walk into the door to see you swinging your hair around while you're in sweatpants. 

Not being too impressed with the first routine, I did decide to move onto the next routine. Maybe they get progressively harder, I thought to myself. 

Up next, burlesque. More stripper moves. 

Robin starts off the segment by telling you to get a boa or a men's tie. I don't have a boa, and my hubby does have a lot of ties, but they're zipper ties. Not gonna work. I finally found a suitable replacement...a pashmina. 

The beautiful, magenta pashmina given to me by a friend/co-worker for Christmas. It is gorgeous. 

The burlesque routine starts off and you hold the boa/pashminapashmina over your chest and lift your leg up and rub it on your leg, too. Alright. You're supposed to do all that in like 3 seconds. FAST. They look all hot doing it, and I almost broke the coffee table trying to do it fast and getting my foot caught in the pashmina. 

And this next move nearly caused a HUGE problem. 

You take the boa (or my pashmina, which is considerably larger/heavier than a boa) and you swing it to the left and right. It basically slaps down onto the floor and you snap it back up and repeat on the opposite side. I did this forgetting that there is an obstacle to all this. 

It's called a ceiling fan. The noise and movement my ceiling fan made when I whipped my pashmina up into it nearly made me shart myself. But after I consoled my dog, I went back to the routine. I decided to just not do the whipping/swinging of the pashmina, and I'd be good, right? 


After you rub the boa against your girls, your legs, whip it left and right without killing yourself or your animals, you're supposed to turn to the left, slap the boa onto the floor so that it GOES BETWEEN YOUR LEGS and you grab it with one hand behind/near your butt so you can like rub it between your crotch and look all silly and sexy. 

I watched the PCD do this, and I looked at my pashmina, and I want to say I called it quits. 

But I didn't. 

I tried it once. JUST ONCE. 

Okay, twice. 

And I couldn't grab it behind my butt fast enough because I am like, ya know, FAT. And my butt is FAT, too. And so are my arms. Ugh. 

I whipped my pashmina onto the floor so that it went between my legs and it was just ewww. No way I was going to rub my pashmina into my nether regions like I am trying to hump it or something. 


The third routine is set to their song "Buttons" but the only button I pushed was stop on the DVD player. I have tried a ton of workout DVDs, and I have to say this was the most awful one. It's not hard, you could cause bodily harm to humans/animals, and it's a waste of $8. Well, more if you don't have a boa and have to buy one. 

Bottom line, don't buy it. 

Bottom line #2, don't look at me funny when you see me wear my magenta pashmina.

M.Cruz...YOU ROCK!!!

And just in case you have NO IDEA what a pashmina is...

HA HA HA! I am STILL DYING!!! Here I am, up at 1:30 am, browsing through Amazon, I read this & am trying MY HARDEST not to wake up Bobby... sleeping right next to me! Good Times for sure!

Have you ever written a review, or read anything as funny as this?
I'd LOVE to hear! 

Here's to speakin' the truth like no body's business,

1 comment:

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