Veronika Unplugged

"You think you know…but you have no idea."

Remember that show "Diary" on MTV where parts of celebrities lives were exposed. Parts that you would never guess & parts that always surprised you? Well...here's my little version of that show. Here's a glimpse inside my life & all that people would never believe...it's made up of. A raw, unplugged version of me. 

After much thought...I decided it was time to share a part of myself with all of you...that very few of you who know me...will expect. A part I've kept hidden for such a long time, in hopes that it would all just go away & there wouldn't really be any need to discuss it. With the days turning into months, & the months turning into years...I've decided it was finally time. Maybe, just maybe...someone else is going through the very same thing & my story will help. Here is the exact letter I've shared with my closest & dearest Friends (those that I went from seeing quite often...to disappearing off the face of the earth), in hopes that they would better understand where the eff I've been for so freakin' long! After all the unconditional love, support & encouragement I received back...I thought I should probably share it with all of you as well. Just in case you're wondering where the eff I go in all my new clothes, make-up & LV's and why the heck I don't do any OOTD's, tutorials, or hell...just post personal pics at all! Here's why. And now that this horrible storm has finally passed, and I finally feel me again...my body needs to hurry up & catch up! LOL! All of these posts will be coming soon...promise! Thank you...with every beat of my heart...for being here & for sticking with me...in spite of my lack of "Beauty/Fashion" posts! I want you all to know no matter how perfect or wonderful some one's life looks on the outside...we all have our crosses to bear & we all live the good AND the bad. Now I'm not at all saying my pain is equal to some one else's either. I am fully aware that other people have it "way worse" than me & that some of you may find this to be no big deal at all, but pain is all relative. To me in my life...this has been the worst. Unfortunately...there weren't enough LV's in the world to help! Ha Ha. One day...one moment at a time. I ♥ you all & I am FINALLY getting back to "ME"! Thank you for taking the time to share my ♥. It (ALL of you)...mean(s) the world to me! 

(A Little Side Note...for those that don't know...I was born & raised in Southern California & lived there my entire life...until just last year. Now...Texas is my home.)

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Lydia…

My Beautiful Lydia!

I’ve struggled for months to try to find the right words to express what I’ve been meaning to say, and then I decided to not be so dramatic & just get it out already!!! J

So…here it goes.

For almost 6 years now I’ve been in a “funk”.

Some moments have been a lot worse than others, while all of them have hindered me in some way or another & have caused me to go into a sort of hiding. It all started with my Brother & very best friend moving away to Hawaii, 6 years ago now, and then shortly after…my Parents moved to Texas, I moved to Orange County with Bobby, my Sister moved to Rancho Cucamonga, we had to give our family dog away…all in less than 2 months time.

Now to most, I realize that wouldn’t seem that drastic, but to me…in an instant…my entire world as I knew it…was different. Until I moved to Texas…I missed my Parents more than words & now that I’m here…a huge hole in my heart still remains. You see…my Brother & I spent every moment together & it’s almost as if a part of my soul died…the day he got on that plane. Every day…in every way…I miss him.

And then…to be close to my Parents…I packed up my entire lifetime to be where they are, and caused Bobby to do the same (Even though it was his decision that made it final). Don’t get me wrong…we both love it here, but would we have left our entire lives if my Parents weren’t here? Probably not. California is our home & where all of our friends, family, & memories are. It has become our home now though & the good news is…we go to CA once a month, so we really can see & do all we want! So…why haven’t you seen me? The “Funk” …that’s why. J I haven’t felt up to being social at all, so, so far…it’s been strictly business! L That will change very soon though. That I can promise.

That’s the reason we left without having a “going away” party, or making a big deal about leaving. Because we knew we’d be back every month & would still see all of you. And of course…if a big event ever came up…we’d always plan our trips around them. So…that’s why we just kind of disappeared. I’m not at all a fan of Goodbye’s, so I didn’t want to make it that permanent.

And…in the mist of all of this…I became a Wife. A role I had no idea how to fill. I was such a different person & my heart was in a lot of pain. SO difficult to explain because I ABSOLUTELY ADORE Bobby & just thinking about my life without him…tears are streaming down my cheeks. But something inside me…still was unsettled. I assume it would be something like post-partum depression…without the post-partum, and not so sure I was depressed….just more…numb.

Here I am though, a girl who has the BEST Husband, Family, and Friends in the world…has been blessed in every way possible…yet still…my heart ached.

The stronger the bond with Bobby, spending time with my Family, and loving our home & neighbors…slowly…I am getting better. And the best news to heal my heart…my Brother is moving here in November & I am certain…that’ll be just what the Dr. ordered! J I can’t wait for that day! My heart will finally be complete again.

So…the whole point of this, is just to let you know how much you mean to me, and the fact that I’ve been MIA for so long…has absolutely nothing to do with my love for you. I love you more than words & I can’t wait to be able to go out to lunch/dinner with you, sit & visit & catch up on everything!

But for now…please never forget how much I love you, & am always here for you. You were there for some of the most important moments in my life & that means the world to me! I hope we can share many more moments like that! You are, so much more than a Friend to me…I consider you Family & one of my life’s greatest treasures!

Here’s to my “comeback” & being Veronika again! J

That girl loves you to heaven!

I hope & pray that you’ve been wonderful & that all is beautiful in your world…and in your heart!

Looking forward to all the future has in store.

If…you’ll still have me, of course. J

Thank you for taking the time to understand my ♥.

You truly are a diamond in my life, & I will treasure you…always.

All My Love…Forever,

XO…Veronika

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Oh & And If You Haven't…You Must!

From deep inside my heart...to all of yours,